I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
