I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
