This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
