Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
