There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
