Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
