i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
