Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
