so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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