the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just found a bag of teeth...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
