like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
