Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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