it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
