he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
