is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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