I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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