i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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