AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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