pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
