We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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