If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
