Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
