Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
