Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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