I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
