Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
