If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just forgot I was standing up.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
