when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
