I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
