I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
