no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
