i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
