Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
