shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
