I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
