i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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