and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
