sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
