Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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