FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
