"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
