My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
