To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
