I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
