worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
