elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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