I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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