One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
