I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
