bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
