Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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