When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
